A Valuable Lesson For Those Who Want A Loved-One To Get Sober
Only When She Is Ready
She’s ready when she’s ready
You can force someone to treatment, but you cannot force someone to get and stay sober. Sobriety happens if and when the individual decides that’s what he or she wants — and finally when she’s ready to do it. How do I know this? I see it every day. So does Frank Turner.
In recovery for over twenty-years, Frank is Chairman of Oklahoma City’s Metro Alliance, a non-profit organization that created and runs several programs to “increase sobriety, decrease incarceration and recover lives” for those lacking insurance and resources. “You see, what we think is the logical way for an individual to get sober and attain a life in recovery is not necessarily logical to that person who needs it,” says Frank. “Our timetable doesn’t always fit their timetable.”
When Frank sees people relapse six, seven, eight or more times, it doesn’t necessarily mean they wish to continue their broken lives, even homelessness. “No, just because we may think someone is ready for treatment, it doesn’t mean that the individual is ready to get treatment. But, it’s our job to be there for that person when they are ready.”
In my salad days as an interventionist, one morning I was preparing to take a client to Cumberland Heights in Nashville when I got a call from Jonas, a criminal defense attorney often with clients for whom I arrange addiction and/or mental disorder treatment. This was not the Jonas I knew. The stress in his voice betrayed his normal calm and “I got this under control” demeanor. For reasons he didn’t have time to explain, a client of his had to enter a treatment program now, immediately. I’d have to push back picking up my client a bit, but I could make it work. So I went to pick up Jonas’ client.
Imagine now every cliché assigned to a den of heroin addicts. This was worse. It was dark and full of dopers and sickening odors, and I was painfully aware that my sudden presence was not welcome. My right hand tightened around the pepper spray hidden in my pocket. I discovered Carolyn in a bedroom with four males as they had just finished injecting heroin.
Twenty-four-year-old Carolyn was still a stunningly beautiful young woman despite years of her heroin abuse. Upon announcing that her lawyer sent me, I got her to hurriedly gather some clothes and get her out of there pronto.
Carolyn’s lack of insurance and money meant treatment at a facility with state-funded beds. However, the waiting list was daunting. Nonetheless, she would still need detox prior to residential treatment. I took her to three detox units in the city, but not one of them would take her because she was not yet in withdrawal. The fact that she would be withdrawing within a few hours didn’t make a difference. No shakes, no room at the inn. Shit! I was already late for my client waiting for me to take him to treatment in Nashville. What am I going to do?
I was getting nervous. This is unexpected, not part of the game plan. I certainly was not going to return her to where I found her. I had no choice. “Carolyn, ever been to Nashville?” Carolyn excitedly exclaimed, “Road trip? Let’s go!” Man, I wished I had her attitude. I had no choice — Carolyn was coming along to Nashville with my other client and myself. I had no idea what to do with her. I needed time to figure something out.
With Carolyn in tow, I picked up my client and hit the road. During the drive, I was close to panic. She’d be going into withdrawal at any time, and I had no place to take her. I was desperate. At a gas stop, I called my friend Walt Quinn at Cumberland Heights. “Walt! What the hell do I do? She has no money, no insurance and she’ll soon go into withdrawal. I need your help, please.” Walt replied, “You know, your name came up at our board meeting last week. Let me see what I can do.”
Upon arriving at Cumberland Heights, I got my client admitted into detox. So far, so good, but what about Carolyn? The director of admissions, Jana Mason, pulled me into an empty office. She told me they were giving Carolyn ninety days of treatment — a program that ordinarily cost at that time $39,000 — at no charge. Carolyn is receiving a scholarship at one of the finest rehabs in the country.
Then I did something totally unexpected — something I had not done in decades. I burst into tears. Me, a grown man. Tears.
I write about working with only rehabs of the highest quality and integrity. I just described one — Cumberland Heights — thanks to Walt and Jana.
In my farewell to Carolyn, I explained that she was receiving a gift. I told her she may not know it now, but it will change her life and she will appreciate it later. “Please do good with it,” I begged her. Carolyn walked away from the program a week later and just disappeared.
She wasn’t ready to get sober.
Update: Seven years later, Carolyn is living a sober life in the state of Washington and reconnected with her mother who is now her neighbor. As it is said, “They are ready when they are ready.”
Walter Wolf is the pen name of a 30-year veteran of the movie and television industry who produced studio and independent films and television throughout the United States, Australia, and South Africa. That all changed in 2010 with one 3 A.M. call that a family member was in crisis due to addiction. Today, he is an interventionist who matches adults and adolescents with the optimum treatment program and facility for their particular diagnosis, demographics, financial and personal needs. In order to demystify and explain in layman terms what treatment is and how to get it, Wolf wrote The Right Rehab which became the only step-by-step guide for vulnerable families navigating the confusing world of addiction and mental disorder treatment, health insurance and recovery.
https://www.amazon.com/Right-Rehab-Addiction-Illness-Recovery/dp/1538155125
To know more about interventions and finding the right treatment for you or a loved one, read The Right Rehab or call Walter Wolf at 1–310–210–4334.
